I’ve cottoned onto the fact that I seem to be a neurotic perfectionist. It’s not good...it's not good at all...but, to drag a positive into it (hopefully not optimistically but realistically) it’s good to come into the knowledge / awareness of the problem, because you can then fight it.
It’s the reason I’m not happy with any of my animations...it’s the reason I can't find any satisfaction with anything...
So battle has commenced...I don’t know, I’ve always thought that if you gave me a large team and I got out of this horrendous rut of doing the entire thing on my own, and onto making the films the way I want them made (sets, miniatures and actors) that I might emerge out of it....I might end up satisfied and happy...but I’m not sure I would. BUT...I want to get to that stage to SEE if I would...surely I would be?...we don't know, we don't know.
But with this knowledge now acquired....it means that it's a mental problem, a mental illness...and so other people enjoy what I’ve done but I cannot....so it means I should not hide what I’ve done....it's all beginning to make a lot of sense because I believe a lot of creative people are like this...it's a huge piece of the puzzle... I've encountered a lot of them (but just never knew what the problem with all of us was)...
Sunday, 4 July 2010
Sunday, 31 August 2008
Saturday, 30 August 2008
It has to go out there...it has to.
Wow. So, having even more distance between me and version 1.0 of “The Rescue” with my rest period (I had to stop everything and try hard to relax and rest, even though I had started to work very hard on The Pilot, it was time to stop completely) I’m at that point of being...well, very frustrated at what happened to me. What did happen to me?...well, the film couldn’t go on to have it's own little life in the real world as a DVD that could be sent to say The BCC Film Network, or to be sold on Amazon. This to me was very frustrating, disillusioning and sad.
But two things happened...
1) I watched Robert Rodriguez’s 10 Minute Film School...and it may sound corny or something here, but it’s a bit of a wake up call to watch that. His message (or at least what I take away from it) is that you must march on and persist regardless of what happens...and you must channel all of your creativity energy into using all the skills that you have, and force yourself to learn new skills. It all sounds remarkably common sense, and it is...but, I tend to go about creating films in a way that is very costly, and I need to get out of that...because there simply isn’t the money there to do it like this.
Rodriguez is basically saying that your options are limited, that you have to accept that your options are limited...and that really, you must have a LOT of positive energy, and march on with it. And, I think I would even say here, that he feels you just get on with making it and then get straight onto the next thing...a kind of don’t look back attitude. I can fully understand that attitude and I think it’s a good one.
The thing is though, that this means, there has to be compromise on your vision, and that it has to be a mighty big one...and I find that extremely hard to do, I love classical music far too much to want to stop using it...where this leaves me I'm not quite sure.
I'm sure Rodriguez would tell me to go round another route that would lead me to the same piece of music being used, and I do believe that other routes are entirely possible.
2) Speaking to a very good friend of mine that I went to college with. He opened my eyes somewhat when I had a conversation with him recently. We talked a lot about how I feel, when you make a film, the first version of that film you've made seems to always be the best version...but that it’s perhaps only because it’s the first one for you to see...you create a second version and if somebody sees that second version for the first time to them, then it’s highly possible that THAT will be they’re favourite.
Multiple versions of films is a hard area for me to get my brain round, yes I have been doing it for years now...but I’m going to have to do it on The Rescue which is something I wasn’t keen on but am now thinking that its important. It's absolutely vital that things move things forward and I get out of this rut of saying to myself "Well that’s that...I have to abandon this and go onto something else"...and work towards opening up a position that’s not hidden.
So what’s going to have to happen is, I’m going to have to go back to working on the original soundtrack I was making for “The Rescue” . This will be sound effects and synthesiser stuff. A onslaught of sound recording of anything I can get my hands on, theres a lot of things round the house that make a good sound so I'm hopeful about it.
The next version of The Rescue will also be in colour, I've done some tests which i'll post up next.
But two things happened...
1) I watched Robert Rodriguez’s 10 Minute Film School...and it may sound corny or something here, but it’s a bit of a wake up call to watch that. His message (or at least what I take away from it) is that you must march on and persist regardless of what happens...and you must channel all of your creativity energy into using all the skills that you have, and force yourself to learn new skills. It all sounds remarkably common sense, and it is...but, I tend to go about creating films in a way that is very costly, and I need to get out of that...because there simply isn’t the money there to do it like this.
Rodriguez is basically saying that your options are limited, that you have to accept that your options are limited...and that really, you must have a LOT of positive energy, and march on with it. And, I think I would even say here, that he feels you just get on with making it and then get straight onto the next thing...a kind of don’t look back attitude. I can fully understand that attitude and I think it’s a good one.
The thing is though, that this means, there has to be compromise on your vision, and that it has to be a mighty big one...and I find that extremely hard to do, I love classical music far too much to want to stop using it...where this leaves me I'm not quite sure.
I'm sure Rodriguez would tell me to go round another route that would lead me to the same piece of music being used, and I do believe that other routes are entirely possible.
2) Speaking to a very good friend of mine that I went to college with. He opened my eyes somewhat when I had a conversation with him recently. We talked a lot about how I feel, when you make a film, the first version of that film you've made seems to always be the best version...but that it’s perhaps only because it’s the first one for you to see...you create a second version and if somebody sees that second version for the first time to them, then it’s highly possible that THAT will be they’re favourite.
Multiple versions of films is a hard area for me to get my brain round, yes I have been doing it for years now...but I’m going to have to do it on The Rescue which is something I wasn’t keen on but am now thinking that its important. It's absolutely vital that things move things forward and I get out of this rut of saying to myself "Well that’s that...I have to abandon this and go onto something else"...and work towards opening up a position that’s not hidden.
So what’s going to have to happen is, I’m going to have to go back to working on the original soundtrack I was making for “The Rescue” . This will be sound effects and synthesiser stuff. A onslaught of sound recording of anything I can get my hands on, theres a lot of things round the house that make a good sound so I'm hopeful about it.
The next version of The Rescue will also be in colour, I've done some tests which i'll post up next.
Tuesday, 29 July 2008
Reflection
I tell you its damned, damned weird thing being a independent animator...I felt so extremely low when The Rescue was coming to a end. I’m not even entirely sure if I can tell you what it was exactly...I maybe just looked at all the faults and could see no good things in it at all.
The thing is that your so extremely tired with exhaustion that perhaps your brain isn’t quite working properly?...and suddenly the project is in a viewable state, a starting to end viewable state, that has taken such a long time to get to that point...if your very stubborn like me, you glance across at it and you kind of feel in a way that you are looking at something that’s just no where near finished or how you want it...this for the sleep deprived stubborn man is too much.
NOTE: Your deadline got you here though, deadlines are both great and not so great...great because they get you to work like a crazy man, and results certainly do start to happen...you get a lot done with the shear “oh sh*t, I’m approaching the deadline!!” thoughts running through your head.
NOTE: Not so great, because things end up being rushed, this for me was always the character animation which is really terrible because character animation is the very soul of a animation.
It seems that you need to distance yourself from the animation and when that eventually happens...as time goes on, time fixes problems...I started to get more positive about it...Much, much more positive about it. At the time though it was just hellish. I felt like giving up altogether. But with time...you finally see how much you’ve learned...you make a film, you learn something, you make another film, you learn something else. That applies to life as well.
And I started to get really happy. All the things that went wrong are now knowledge...raw knowledge that is vital stuff, you have to work at it for years to get at this stuff. It goes into the next project and things WILL get better.
The thing is that your so extremely tired with exhaustion that perhaps your brain isn’t quite working properly?...and suddenly the project is in a viewable state, a starting to end viewable state, that has taken such a long time to get to that point...if your very stubborn like me, you glance across at it and you kind of feel in a way that you are looking at something that’s just no where near finished or how you want it...this for the sleep deprived stubborn man is too much.
NOTE: Your deadline got you here though, deadlines are both great and not so great...great because they get you to work like a crazy man, and results certainly do start to happen...you get a lot done with the shear “oh sh*t, I’m approaching the deadline!!” thoughts running through your head.
NOTE: Not so great, because things end up being rushed, this for me was always the character animation which is really terrible because character animation is the very soul of a animation.
It seems that you need to distance yourself from the animation and when that eventually happens...as time goes on, time fixes problems...I started to get more positive about it...Much, much more positive about it. At the time though it was just hellish. I felt like giving up altogether. But with time...you finally see how much you’ve learned...you make a film, you learn something, you make another film, you learn something else. That applies to life as well.
And I started to get really happy. All the things that went wrong are now knowledge...raw knowledge that is vital stuff, you have to work at it for years to get at this stuff. It goes into the next project and things WILL get better.
Monday, 21 July 2008
The Rescue: Part 3 of 3
Here we go, one day before the deadline I set myself...It now excists as somthing!
I’m not gonna beat about the bush here though, I'm very, very frustrated with my animation...and the way I think I see it...is...that it’s at the top of the bad pile and the bottom of the good pile, it’s a failure to me, because it's not a technical marvel, It also feels like a animatic at times, a rushed job.
I’m not gonna beat about the bush here though, I'm very, very frustrated with my animation...and the way I think I see it...is...that it’s at the top of the bad pile and the bottom of the good pile, it’s a failure to me, because it's not a technical marvel, It also feels like a animatic at times, a rushed job.
Saturday, 19 July 2008
July 19th 2008 Report
Very difficult to write this report, but here we go anyway.
The news is in that it might cost over two thousand pounds to use the Shostakovich music. And when you add the Bruckner to this, it comes to about two thousand five hundred...there’s some negotiations to get this figure down but I cant see it being reduced by much...I don’t know. The worst part of all this is that I don’t think I can spend that amount of money on this animation...because, I simply don't feel it's worth it. I feel terrible that the thing might not be set off on merry way into the world, to go off and visit the folks at the TCM short competition, I really do.
I didn’t realise that Mr Shostakovich was not past the eighty year copyright. The thing is though, his music is incredible, can't begin to tell you how big a fan I am of his stuff.
The news is in that it might cost over two thousand pounds to use the Shostakovich music. And when you add the Bruckner to this, it comes to about two thousand five hundred...there’s some negotiations to get this figure down but I cant see it being reduced by much...I don’t know. The worst part of all this is that I don’t think I can spend that amount of money on this animation...because, I simply don't feel it's worth it. I feel terrible that the thing might not be set off on merry way into the world, to go off and visit the folks at the TCM short competition, I really do.
I didn’t realise that Mr Shostakovich was not past the eighty year copyright. The thing is though, his music is incredible, can't begin to tell you how big a fan I am of his stuff.
Dowswell on Dowswell part 2 of 2
It also (over the years) has become very apparent to me that I have this sort of impatience and worry, that too much time is going past...that I wont get to where I want to be quick enough. I want a animation done and I want it done fast...this is really shooting yourself in the foot, because to get something of a real high quality (that runs for nine minutes) takes or should take a lot longer than seven months...you really, really cant and shouldn’t rush these things. (this is a recurring thing I keep saying)
I do however want to march on with my next short and will be making a conscious effort to get it detailed and far shorter.
I do however want to march on with my next short and will be making a conscious effort to get it detailed and far shorter.
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